


What a Mess

by beautywithin16



Category: Taggart (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Romance, brief offscreen mention of Michael/Heather, offscreen mentions of Jackie/Brian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautywithin16/pseuds/beautywithin16
Summary: Michael makes a discovery and realises he's made a mess of things. Will he ever be able to fix it?
Relationships: Michael Jardine/Jackie Reid, Mike Jardine/Jackie Reid
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I re-watched “Lost” recently and one of the flashback scenes gave me the inspiration for this. Kudos to anyone that can guess the scene/episode.

It was rare for Michael to spend a Friday night at home with nothing to do, yet here he was. They had just wrapped up a case, which had served as a constant reminder to how strange everything was without Jackie.

Not that it was such a big deal, it wasn’t as if she’d left for good, she’d be back soon enough.

But during the case, the one person he could always rely on wasn’t there. It was always strange whenever she was away on leave. Though he had tried to hide how much he needed her throughout the years.

Perhaps he should have gone out with Robbie and Stuart tonight, but somehow, the notion felt alien without Jackie.

He couldn’t even say that things would be back to normal when Jackie returned. For she wasn’t just on leave.

She was on her honeymoon.

Watching her marry Brian was an endurance that had almost been too difficult to bear. He had been genuinely happy for her when she had announced her engagement, and he still was.

Her happiness outweighed anything else.

But during the leadup to her wedding, he had almost not wanted to go, absurd as it sounded. She was his best friend. How could he not go?

He hadn’t meant to turn up late, he’d visited Jim Taggart’s grave and had gotten so lost in his thoughts that he’d lost track of time.

What was supposed to be a happy occasion had turned bittersweet for Michael as he realised his true feelings for Jackie.

He’d had those feelings for years, but he now realised that he had been in a deep denial about them. Michael was almost thankful that she was away right now. He would have to get a grip of himself before she returned. They would always be friends and he’d always be there for her if she needed him.

Then there was Heather.

After the wedding, he knew that their relationship would not be going any further. It just wouldn’t be fair to her.

He was doing his best to make sure that things weren’t awkward between them. And so far, he seemed to be doing a decent job. There had been no signs of anybody catching on, which he was thankful for.

The thing with Heather had left him feeling mortified and he missed his best friend.

Michael sighed, he needed to take his mind off this and he didn’t want to think about Jackie right now.

He thought for a moment on what he could do to entertain himself, before he decided to read a book. But not just any book. There was a book he owned that he’d been putting off reading for a long time now, maybe it was finally time to read it.

He retrieved the hardback and settled on the couch. When he opened the book, he was met with a white envelope.

“What the…?” he muttered.

That had definitely not been there when he’d bought the thing. Someone must have placed it there afterwards.

He had no idea why someone had put an envelope in there, but he was certainly going to find out.

He took the envelope and opened it, revealing a letter. He only had to read the first line to figure out who it was from.

After over a decade, he’d be able to recognise Jackie’s handwriting anywhere.

A glance at the corner told him that it was dated before she’d met Brian. What had she written that she couldn’t tell him in person?

Well, there was only one way to find out.

_Dear Michael,_

_This might not be my best idea. But as you’re waiting to read this book until a special moment, it might be a long time before I face any consequences for writing this. So, what do I have to lose?_

_I know what you’re thinking. Why am I doing this when I can talk to you in person? There’s not much you don’t know about me, but the thought of talking to you about this terrifies me._

_I’ve known you for a long time now. We’ve been through so much together, not just as colleagues but as friends. You’re the one person I never want to be without._

_The truth is that my feelings for you are more than platonic. The attention from Robbie is fun, but I know it’s you I really want to be with._

_There are times when I think that maybe you feel the same way, where I hope that you’ll finally make a move. But you don’t, and as time goes by it becomes increasingly unlikely that you ever will._

_I love you. But I can’t wait for something that might never happen. At some point, I’ll have to move on._

_But no matter what happens between us, you will always be my friend. I’ll always be here for you. Even if I’m able to fall out of love with you, I’ll never stop loving you as a friend._

_I’m sorry I don’t have the guts to tell you this in person, maybe one day I will. Just know that you have someone who loves you unconditionally._

_Love,_

_Jackie_

Michael stared at the letter dumbfounded. How could he have been so stupid? She had waited years for him while he did nothing.

He couldn’t blame her for moving on. Michael could only hope that she had found happiness with Brian, a happiness he would now never be able to give her.

But he could have. And with clarity, he could see that they would have been happy. They could have gotten married long ago. Maybe they could even have had kids if they’d wanted to. Children that could have been old enough to attend primary school by now.

Michael shook his head to rid himself of the thought of the hypothetical children that would never exist.

He’d made such a mess of things and he’d never be able to fix that. At least not in the way he wanted to.

There was some comfort in the fact that she still cared about him. Fortunately, she was still going to be a part of his life. Michael could live with that.

He suddenly felt a stray tear roll down his cheek, he quickly brushed it away. Crying about it wouldn’t help, though he certainly deserved the pain he felt.

There had been so many times where he could have said something, but he never did. What a fool he was.

Michael read the letter again at a slower pace than the first time. He would keep the letter, it would be a reminder that someone cared for him, and that for a time, he had been loved unconditionally. Maybe he still was, but it was obviously a different kind of love.

He traced his finger over the part where Jackie had written that she loved him.

“I love you too, Jackie. I’m so sorry I never told you,” he said quietly.

He carefully folded the letter and gently placed it inside the envelope. He left the couch and stored it into one of his desk drawers.

He sighed; he was no longer in the mood for reading. In fact, he didn’t think he was in the mood for anything.

A glance at his watch confirmed the time and Michael decided to go to bed. He wasn’t sure he had the energy for anything else after reading that letter.

When he finally went to bed, he mused that this might be a night full of tossing and turning. However, he was proved wrong when he fell asleep moments later.

His last thoughts were of Jackie and how much of a mess he’d made.

* * *

Jackie entered the station with a spring in her step. After a blissful two weeks away, she was back and still getting used to the idea that she was a newlywed.

Robbie was the first to welcome her, “So, how’s married life treating you?” he grinned.

“Just wonderful,” she beamed.

“It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back.”

Stuart was the next to greet her as he approached them, “Welcome back, Jackie!”

“Thanks, Stuart,” she said before he hugged her.

After a quick catch up with the two of them, she decided to check on Michael. When she reached his office, she knocked on the door.

“Come in,” he replied. She opened the door and entered. “Hi,” he said, looking delighted to see her.

“Hey,” she said before she took a seat.

“How was the honeymoon?”

“Fantastic, thanks for the leave.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“How’s things? Robbie and Stuart mentioned a case.”

“All solved now, thankfully. It’s been a bit quiet since, so I wouldn’t be surprised if we get a case soon,” he smiled.

“That’s usually how it works,” she said with a smile of her own.

“I should probably get back to this paperwork,” he said after a moment, “but it’s good to see you.”

“Likewise, I’ll see you later,” she said.

Michael gave her a nod in acknowledgement before she left his office.

The rest of the morning had been uneventful. After a few hours, she went to see if anyone wanted to have lunch with her, but there was no sign of Michael, Robbie, or Stuart. She left the bullpen and entered a corridor where she heard the voices of Michael and Robbie. Jackie had intended to make her presence known, until she heard what they were talking about.

“We’re going to invite Jackie out for drinks later to welcome her back. I’m sure she’d like for you to be there,” said Robbie.

“Sure,” said Michael.

“That’s the best response we’ve gotten from you in a while.”

“Excuse me?”

“No one’s seen you outside of work since the wedding.”

“You know, it would be nice if for once, you would stop interfering,” Michael said in an irritable tone.

“You can’t be spending all of your time catching up on paperwork.”

“No. But it’s amazing what you can discover in a good book,” Michael said absentmindedly.

“I think you need to get out more,” said Robbie.

Jackie froze, not listening to the rest of the conversation. Her mind went back to a couple of years ago, when she’d poured her heart out onto paper. She knew she wouldn’t get a response from Michael straight away, if ever. After a couple of weeks, she forgot about it, only remembering it occasionally.

Why had it not occurred to her to get rid of the thing? It wouldn’t have been too difficult. She should have tried to do it when her relationship with Brian became serious.

If Michael had read it, what did he think about it? Jackie wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

Maybe she was worrying over nothing. Michael did like a good book; he didn’t read much due to how busy the job could be. Maybe he finally found the time to immerse himself in one while she was away. It didn’t mean he’d touched the book she’d placed the letter in.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t realised that Michael had approached her.

“Jackie?” he asked.

He nearly startled her, when she looked at him, she noticed that Michael was on his own. Robbie must have gone off somewhere.

“I’m sorry. I just…” she trailed off.

“Did you hear that?” he asked, silently berating himself for the book comment.

Jackie nodded her head, she opened her mouth to reply, but the words wouldn’t come out. For his part, Michael wasn’t sure what to say either. Neither could think of anything to say that wouldn’t sound inappropriate.

There was no need to ask him if he’d read the letter. Jackie could tell from the look on his face that he had. She resisted the urge to look away from him and maintained eye contact. After a moment, the expression on Michael’s face changed.

His face showed understanding, without saying anything he conveyed to her that it was okay, that nothing would change, they would always be friends.

She gave a small smile in reply, confident that Michael would always be a part of her life. She turned away and went back to the bullpen. Jackie was glad that things wouldn’t change between them, but for now, she just needed a little distance from him.

The rest of the day passed by similarly to the morning, except that her mind kept returning to the letter. Still, everything had turned out for the best. She was with Brian now, a man she loved. Jackie was happy and Brian would always be there for her.

She had moved on.

Right?

When Robbie’s inevitable invitation for drinks came, she declined. Jackie excused herself by saying that she just wanted to go home to Brian. Which wasn’t really a lie, she did want to see her husband.

When she arrived home to see that he was already there, she didn’t think she’d ever been so glad to see him. For that night, she needed Brian in a way she hadn’t before, or ever would again.

And though it would take a long time for her to admit it to herself, she needed him to forget about Michael.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in a universe where “Death Trap” didn’t happen, meaning Michael’s still alive and in charge of the team.

**2 Years later**

Paperwork might not be the worst part of the job, but it was definitely one of the most boring. But at least it was better than taking his work home with him.

However, it was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on his task as he kept reflecting on the past couple of years.

Jackie’s letter had proved to be a source of strength at times, and he had certainly needed it. He never thought he’d turn to a letter for comfort, but it had helped even if it was always a bittersweet read. Though anything he’d been through had paled in comparison to Jackie.

They had all settled into a new normality after Jackie’s wedding. Things had slowly started to change for the team and some changes were easier than others.

Through it all Jackie had been happy, or at least she seemed to be. After a year, the cracks in her marriage to Brian had started to show. The final straw had been when Brian had wanted the two of them to move to London on a permanently.

Michael had been the first person Jackie had told about the split and he’d supported her throughout everything. The divorce had been finalised a couple of months ago.

Jackie was doing fine now; though initially, she’d been upset, but it hadn’t taken her long to get back on her feet. Though she hadn’t hid it, she’d been very quiet about it and it hadn’t affected her work.

It also showed that his team of detectives could improve their powers of observation. Very few people had noticed when Jackie had stopped wearing her rings, including Robbie, who had been surprised to hear the news from Stuart.

As a result of the divorce, Michael had often thought about the letter. He hadn’t brought it up, Jackie had had enough on her plate. But now that Jackie seemed more settled, he had considered talking to her about it. And maybe, he would even admit his feelings for her.

There were things he had to consider though. Jackie may have been in love with him, but that was years ago. Just because she was now divorced didn’t mean that there would be another chance to be with her.

He had assumed that her marriage to Brian had meant she no longer loved him, at least romantically. He wasn’t so sure those feelings would have returned.

But he was curious, he could never have talked to her about the letter when she was married, it would have been too inappropriate, but there were things he wanted to know.

Even if nothing were to happen between them, maybe he’d be able to get some closure. And for that reason, it felt like it would be worth bringing it up.

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. He was not disappointed to see the person he’d been thinking about walk into his office.

She handed him some case files, while they discussed a case they’d recently wrapped up. After a few minutes, he sensed that the conversation was nearing its end. Michael decided to finally bite the bullet.

“Are you doing anything tonight?” he asked.

“No, unless Robbie or Stuart want to invite me out for a drink, but I can always decline.”

“Good,” he noticed Jackie’s bemused expression, “not that not going out with them is a good thing-“

“What do you want, Michael?”

“Can I come over tonight? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“Sure, is everything alright?” she asked, now looking concerned for him.

“Just fine. But I would like to talk to you.”

“Okay, what about?”

“It’s… personal. I don’t want to talk about it in a place where anyone can walk in.”

Jackie nodded, they agreed on a time for him to arrive before she left his office.

Right, if Jackie could pour her heart out, he could do the same. While there were things he needed to know, there were plenty of things she needed to hear.

He just hoped he was doing the right thing.

* * *

The rest of their shift was uneventful and before Jackie knew it, it was time to go. Unfortunately, she’d be leaving alone as Michael still had some things to take care of.

When she arrived home, she made some hot chocolate in an attempt to distract herself from Michael’s imminent arrival.

This obviously wouldn’t be a casual visit; Michael had seemed a little unsure of himself back in his office. It was almost like he had come to an important decision that he wanted to talk over with her.

Did he want to leave? Jackie shook her head at that. He’d given no indication that he was growing dissatisfied with the job. Sure, he complained a bit. There were several things he didn’t like about being a DCI, like the numerous meetings and seminars he was obligated to attend. But she didn’t think he’d disliked it enough to quit.

Jackie settled onto the couch, flicking through the TV while trying not to overthink what Michael wanted to say. Which was easier said than done. She cared for him a lot; she was going to be curious about anything he wanted to tell her that he deemed too personal for the station.

It didn’t take too long for her doorbell to ring. She answered it and let Michael in, and they made their way into the living room.

Jackie went back to the couch, while Michael continued to stand with his hands in his pockets.

“Take a seat,” she said. Michael went over to a nearby chair and Jackie had to turn to face him. “What did you want?” she asked.

Michael took a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you… about the letter you left me.”

“Oh,” she answered.

“Yeah,” he said.

She should have known that he’d ask her about it now that she was divorced. It shouldn’t even be a surprise. It wasn’t as if she’d completely forgotten about the thing.

After her break-up with Brian, there had been quite a few occasions where it had played on her mind.

“Look, I was feeling a bit low at the time. I was at a point in my life where I had to think about what I wanted past my career. I’m sorry you had to read that after my wedding. I can’t imagine how awkward it must have been.”

“It was strange to read you declaring your love for me, shortly after I watched you marry someone else.”

She looked down at that, “I should have removed it when things turned serious between me and Brian,” she said after a moment. “I don’t know why it never occurred to me,” she admitted.

“It’s okay, really. You don’t have anything to apologise for or be embarrassed about. I kept it,” he added after a moment.

Actually, that was nice to know. She’d had no idea what he had done with it, but she’d hated the thought that he could have easily discarded it.

Nothing was said for a moment, Jackie pondered on whether she should ask him the question she was almost too scared to ask. But as this was out in the open, maybe she should. It wasn’t fair that Michael had known about her feelings while she was still in the dark about his.

“If…” she paused briefly before she continued, “if you had read it before I married Brian, how would you have responded?”

“I probably would have spent a day or two processing it,” he admitted. “But I think… “ he shook his head, “I know I would have come to you. And maybe you wouldn’t have married Brian.”

Jackie exhaled and looked like she was about to respond before Michael spoke again. “It’s okay, I’m not expecting anything. I know you’ve moved on. I’ve probably missed my chance of ever being with you.” He took a deep breath, “But I do love you. And I’ve spent the last two years kicking myself for not doing anything about it. And that was before I even found the letter.”

Time seemed to drag slowly for Michael as he awaited a response, she looked down at her hands for a long moment before she eventually looked back up to face him.

“I did love Brian… in my own way,” she finally said. “But it took me too long to realise that it wasn’t strong enough to last. It certainly wasn’t strong enough for me to leave everything behind and move to London with him. There were many reasons I wanted to stay in Glasgow, but what bothered me most was the idea of not seeing you every day.”

She paused momentarily as the corners of Michael’s mouth turned upward. Jackie saw the hope flicker in his eyes that maybe he hadn’t missed his chance after all.

“I thought I’d finally moved on from you, but the truth was I just buried my feelings.” She took a deep breath, “I still love you; I don’t think I really stopped.”

Michael got up from the chair to move closer to Jackie, she had also gotten up from the couch to meet him halfway.

“Jackie, I’m so sorry. I should have told you sooner. I was…”

“Scared?”

“Terrified,” he answered with a smile.

“I’m sorry too. I could have spoken up, or at least, have left the letter in a place where you would have found it sooner.”

“We’ve wasted so much time,” he said.

“Yes, we have.”

“I think I’ve thought of a good way to make up for it though,” he smirked, his eyes full of mischief.

“Oh, is that so? And what would that be?” she smiled, knowing full well what his intention was.

His smirk faded as he leaned forward and slowly met his lips with hers. Jackie had waited years for this moment, and she knew she’d remember it for as long as she lived. As the kiss deepened, she put his arms around his neck, while he encircled her with his arms to bring her closer.

There was no awkwardness, only joy as they were finally with the person they were always meant to be with. It was a long time coming, but they’d gotten there in the end.

Once the kiss ended, they both took a couple of long deep breaths before a grin lit up Jackie’s face.

“I think that’s a very good way to make up for lost time,” she said.

“I thought you’d agree,” he grinned before they both leaned forward for another kiss.

The mess had finally been fixed, there would be no more regrets.

**The End**


End file.
